100+ Best Bald Jokes That Will Crack You Up (LOL)

The best defense against negative comments and bald head jokes is owning the bald look and mastering the art of self-deprecating humor.

By knowing how to make fun of yourself and accepting your baldness in advance, you take away the power from others. They cannot insult your scalp if you are the first one laughing and feeling good about it.

Just shave your head and enjoy the best bald memes, bald quotes, and jokes. You are in good company now.

Here are the best bald jokes to embrace the chrome dome.

Bald Jokes – Oneliners

  1. “I used to have a full head of hair, but now it’s just playing hide and seek.”
  2. “My receding hairline is like the stock market – always going downhill.”
  3.  “It’s not male pattern baldness; it’s merely follicular redistribution.”
  4. “I may be losing some hairs on top, but gaining wisdom from each one lost.”
  5. “Breaking news: My barber has declared bankruptcy after realizing he was running out of work on me!” 
  6. “My receding hairline could win an Olympic gold medal for how fast it’s sprinting away from my eyebrows.”
  7. “With this receding hairline, even Superman’s got nothing on me when it comes to revealing his true identity!”
  8. ”Just call me Captain Forehead; no superhero cape required – just ample space between brows and front row seats view sunset”.   
  9. They say that every time a man shaves his head, somewhere in the world an evil villain loses their last strand of hair—so keep doing your part to fight crime and save humanity one smooth dome at a time! 
  10. “My hairline is like a marathon runner – always moving further back.”
  11. “Hair loss made me realize that bald truly is beautiful… on other people.”
  12. “You know you’re losing your hair when even wigs reject you!”
  13. “Shampoo bottles should come with instructions for those of us who are running out of strands to wash.”
  14. “The only thing growing faster than inflation rates these days is my expanding bald spot!”
  15. “If baldness is a sign of wisdom, then I must be the smartest person alive!”
  16. ”Sure,everyone says ‘bald is beautiful’…but nobody ever mentioned how expensive sunscreen applications are with so much extra real estate up top…”
  17. I used to have a mullet, but then my forehead declared independence from the rest of my head.
  18. My barber asked if I wanted him to trim around my receding hairline, and I said no thanks – just mow the lawn instead!
  19. Did you hear about the guy whose toupee blew off during a strong windstorm? He had quite an unplanned follicle evacuation mission.
  20. They told me not to worry since male pattern baldness skips generations – apparently reaching back 50 years just so we can break records!
  21. Even though we don’t possess any supernatural powers- the collective energy emitted by a group of bald men trying to grow back their hair is often considered as great alternative source for renewable solar power.
  22. You won’t believe how much money I save on shampoo since embracing this shiny-headed lifestyle—enough to buy myself a yacht made entirely out of razors!
  23. If someone ever accuses you or asks questions about the contents of your shampoo bottle… Just tell ‘em: “It’s complicated.”
  24. An old Finnish saying goes: “Wisdom and hair dont fit in the same head”.
  25. What to respond to someone saying “Hi, I’m balding”? Answer: Hi, I’m dad.
  26. Before shaving what hair remained, someone said, “At least it’s not turning gray, it’s just turning loose”.
  27. “The more hair I lose, the more head I get.”
  28. “Men who are bald in front of their heads are good thinkers. Men who are bald at the back of their heads are good lovers. Men who are bald at front and back think they are good lovers.”
  29. “God created very few perfect heads in this world…the rest he covered with hair.”
  30. “My head game is so strong that my hair fell out”
  31. “Can’t have a bad hair day when your head looks this good.”
  32. “It’s not a bald spot, it’s a solar panel for a sex machine”
  33. “Some men can’t think of anything to do with their hormones except to grow hair.”

Bald Head Jokes – Q&A

  1. What did the bald man say when he finally grew a single hair? “I’m having a bad hair day!”
  2. How does a bald man make his forehead look smaller? He puts a wig on his chin!
  3. Why do bald men make great detectives? They can easily comb through the evidence!
  4. Why was the bald man always the life of the party? Because he had nothing to lose!
  5. What did the bald man say when someone asked if he was going to grow his hair back? “No, I’m just going to wig out instead!”
  6. How did the bald man react when he found a magic lamp? He wished for a full head of hair, but all he got was a genie with a shiny scalp!
  7. How do you make a bald man laugh on a Saturday night? Tell him a bad hairline joke on a Monday morning!
  8. How do bald men find their way to a party? They just follow the shiny reflections!
  9. Why did the bald man apply to be a spokesperson for a hair care product? He wanted to show the world that bald is beautiful, even if it’s not his own hair!
  10. What did the bald man say when he won the lottery? “Finally, I can afford all the hats I’ve ever dreamed of!”
  11. How do you confuse a bald man? Give him a comb and ask him to part his eyebrows!
  12. Why did the bald man open a bakery? He wanted to show that even without hair, he could still rise to the occasion!
  13. What did the bald man say when he wore a wig for the first time? “I finally feel like I’m on top of the world!”
  14. What did the bald man say when someone asked if he was going to get a hair transplant? “Why bother? I’m already head and shoulders above the rest!
  15. Did you hear about the bald man who started a wig business? He’s making a killing in the fake hair industry.
  16. Why did the bald man join a rock band? He wanted to show off his shiny head in the spotlight.
  17. Did you hear about the bald man who became a weather forecaster? He always knew when it was going to be a bad hair day.
  18. What did the bald man say to his barber? “Just give me the ‘shine bright like a diamond’ look.”
  19. What did the bald man say when someone asked him about his hair loss? “I’m just aerodynamically inclined.”
  20. Why did the bald man start a candle-making business? He wanted to create products that matched his shiny personality.
  21. Why did the bald man become a racecar driver? He knew that his shiny head would blind his opponents in the rearview mirror.
  22. What did the bald man say when someone asked if he ever considered getting hair transplants? “Why would I want to be like everyone else?”
  23. Why did the bald guy join a circus? Because they needed someone to balance out all the clowns with hair!
  24. “What do you call a group of bald people playing poker? A smooth hand.”
  25. ”I asked my dad if losing his hair bothered him, and he said, ‘no, but sometimes it gets under my skin!’”
  26. ”My uncle has been going through some tough times lately…he lost both his job and his wig!”
  27. “My grandpa used to say that having less hair means there’s more room for wisdom inside your skull…”
  28. “Why don’t people with no hair ever get sunburned on their heads?” They have built-in SPF – Smooth Pate Factor.
  29. Why did Cinderella get kicked out of her salon appointment for thinning hair treatment? She was always leaving behind strands at midnight!

Balding Roasts

  1. “You’re so bald I can see what’s on your mind.”
  2. “Your head looks brighter than my future.”
  3. “When you wash your face, how do you know when to stop?”
  4. “We need your head to bounce a laser off to communicate with the satellite!”
  5. “I guess it’s true what they say, bald is the new beautiful… if you like shiny bowling balls.”
  6. “Your hairline may have receded, but your ego seems to be growing just fine!”
  7. “If a bird ever lands on your head, does it mistake it for a landing strip?”
  8. “You must save so much money on shampoo and conditioner… oh wait!”
  9. “At least when people see you coming from behind, they won’t confuse you with Rapunzel.”
  10. “Wow! Your forehead has more real estate than most billionaires’ portfolios!”
  11. “Your lack of hair makes me wonder: were those brain cells all in one place before or did they also decide to make their escape?”
  12. “Were clippers invented specifically for people like yourself who had given up hope?” 
  13. “If only charisma grew back as quickly as the lost follicles…”     
  14. “Don’t worry about finding gray hairs – at this point, any kind of growth on top seems like wishful thinking!”
  15. ”Just remember — no amount of Rogaine will bring back fashion sense.”
  16. “Is it just me, or is your bald head reflecting more light than a disco ball?”
  17. “I heard you tried every hair growth product on the market… I guess they all went straight to voicemail.”
  18. “If being bald was an Olympic sport, you’d definitely take home the gold!”
  19. “Your scalp must be so relieved not having to carry around that heavy burden of hair anymore.”
  20. “You’re like a walking solar panel – harnessing energy with that shiny dome of yours!”
  21. “Do people ask for directions when they see their reflection in your head? It’s practically its own GPS system.”
  22. “What’s better than one shining star? Two! You truly are outshining everyone else.”
  23. ‘You might be bald, but you know what they say – a shiny head is just the reflection of an extraordinary mind!’
  24. “I heard that even bees mistake your head for honeycomb… must be all those sweet thoughts bouncing around up there.”
  25. “Your head shines so bright that NASA probably uses it as an emergency backup landing strip.”
  26. “I can see that your hairline decided to take a permanent vacation.”

Balding Comebacks

  1. “A pretty face needs a lot of space.”
  2. “I may be losing hair, but at least I never lose my sense of humor!”
  3. “Balding is nature’s way of telling me that hats were made for me.”
  4. “I’m not going bald; I’m just getting extra aerodynamic.”
  5. “Don’t hate because there’s less to mess up in quarantine mornings!”
  6. “Instead of thinning out from stress, my hair decided to go on an adventure…down the drain!”
  7. ”Some guys pay good money for this natural shine! It’s called ‘bald chic’”
  8. ”They say wisdom comes with age—my receding hairline must mean I’m becoming wiser by seconds!
  9. “The best part about being bald is saving so much money on bad haircut decisions”.
  10. “It’s called selective shedding – only the best hairs get to stay with me.”
  11. “Sure, my forehead gets lonely sometimes, but that means there’s extra room for creativity up here!” 
  12. “Hair today gone tomorrow—good thing confidence never disappears!”
  13. “Being bald has its perks: no bad hair days!”
  14. “They say great minds think alike… maybe that’s why we’re both going bald.”
  15. “You know what they say—a bare scalp reveals infinite wisdom!”
  16. ”Losing strands left and right—I’m practically donating wigs to charity!
  17. ”The universe took one look at all this brainpower and decided some sacrifices had to be made…”
  18. ”With every strand lost comes a new superpower revealed…I’ll find out which soon enough”
  19. “Just call me Captain Chrome Dome”
  20. “I like to think I’m just one step closer to becoming a superhero – Bald Man!”
  21. “My scalp may be barren, but it has plenty of room for air guitar solos!”
  22. “Don’t worry about me and my thinning hair; we’re both learning how to let go gracefully.”
  23. “My hair is just migrating south for the winter!”
  24. “Don’t worry about me losing hair; think of it as gaining free forehead real estate in a premium neighborhood!”
  25. “My hairline is trying to run away from you!”
  26. “I’m not bald, I’m just taller than my hair”
  27. “Oh yeah, well, your face is bald!”
  28. “Yeah, when I was your age, I used to laugh at bald guys too. Just wait.”
  29. “Every time someone asks a dumb question, I lose a hair. I’ve been teaching for two years.”
  30. “Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.”
  31. “They say wisdom comes with age, so consider my baldness as an advanced degree.”
  32. ”Some people pay good money for this kind of smoothness.”
  33. “When life gives lemons, make lemonade…and use it as a conditioner!”

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